The Flood

The flood of emotions that often accompany Post-concussion Syndrome (PCS) continue to ebb and flow in my brain: happy, sad, light, and dark.  I know it has only been two weeks, but I am growing weary of the symptoms:

Headaches

Dizziness

Fatigue

Irritability

Anxiety

Insomnia

Loss of concentration and memory

Noise and light sensitivity

The pain in the upper left half of my body, I will learn to live with that (I am having major doubts about the Titanium plate and 12 screws, but I will save that for another post).  The difficulty for me is having my brain go from a "high speed connection" to "dial-up modem" with just one bonk on the head.  The disconnect between obtaining sensory information, mentally sorting that information, then physically responding, seems so gigantically-enormously huge for me right now.  So far, this post probably sounds well written, and you may be wondering why I am complaining.  Well, being a perfectionist, I have put in nearly an hour of work and have one paragrapgh to show for my effort.  Then, thinking about the effort, I get really sad.

Then, I get happy again.  But, it is really hard.  I know.  Be patient.  This too shall pass.  One door closes and another opens.  Yes, I know all the answers to overcoming my PCS.  I watched this.  To get from trama to growth, I need four types of resilience: physical, mental, emotional, and social.  I am a lucky man, I have had plenty of all four my entire life.  And, I have a plan.  I am going to get some form of exercise today (no, not a bicycle ride).  I am going to finish analyzing pictures today for a report that is long overdue.  I am going to laugh again today with Lupine and Patty (last night we watched Elf).  And, I am going to race cyclocross next year.  I miss the social connections already, and it has only been two weeks.  I may not make the entire series, but I will be there.  It may be just a few races in Ogden, but I will be there.  I may be on the heavy steel fixed gear Pake, but I will be there.